Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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