Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
