Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We have started to decorate penises.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
