I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
