Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Your dad touched me again.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
