I could have mohawked her pubes.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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