Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i already hear my dad disowning me
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
