I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Floor bacon is actually really good
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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