Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
