he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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