Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
