They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
