I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
