Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
