I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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