Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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