I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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