marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
