she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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