Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
