R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
