Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
