Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
