dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
