I'm going to jail i love you
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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