i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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