oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
