If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize