Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I skipped work to stalk him.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
