i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I smell like Dick and happiness
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
