Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
