OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I wear drunk well.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
