the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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