i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
