I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
