is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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