So drunk its hurt
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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