I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
