i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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