Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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