It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Randomize