Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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