I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
