I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
