Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I have already put on my inside pants.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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