Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
