how can u be prego again
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
