i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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