Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
