literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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