you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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