You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize