i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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