you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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