That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
