I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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