i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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