I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
