grandma shit on top of the toilet
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
