If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
it was like eating out sand paper
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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