My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
