Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
