I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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