My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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