I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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