Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
