He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
