My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
