one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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