I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
