Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Randomize
