legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
