Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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