your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
