I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
