She is in my trunk
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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