Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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